Monday, August 27, 2012

Falling Behind

So lately I've had this overwhelming feeling that my life is moving so fast I can hardly keep up, much less remember it all.  I know it's so so so cliche but I feel like I've blinked and Katelyn is suddenly in first grade.  Camden is in his 2nd year of pre-school and Lucy is almost 2 years old. Seriously?  Am I that old?  Maybe if  I were to take just a few minutes and write it down I could remember what I did last week, last month or maybe last year.

It makes me sad how day to day memories fade.  I heard a quote that made me bawl.  "The biggest mistake I made is the one that most of us make... I did not live in the moment enough.  This is particularly clear now that the moment is gone, captured only in photographs.  There is one picture of the three of [my children] sitting in the grass on a quilt in the shadow of the swing set on a summer day, ages six four, and one.  And I wish I could remember what we ate, and what we talked about, and how they sounded and how they looked when they slept that night.  I wish I had not been in such a hurry to get on to the next thing: dinner, bath, book bed.  I wish I had treasured the doing a little more and the getting it done a little less"  (Anna Quindlen, Loud and Clear 8, 10-11."  Ugh.  I read one lazy Saturday morning in bed and it made me feel awful.  I got in the shower and just bawled.  Then I came to the decision that I really need to be better at recording my days.  Even though they may be sometimes the same as the previous day, I know that there will be a day that I long just to hear Lucy's little voice say "no", Camden's play car noise and Katelyn's constant talking.

So instead of feeling like I must write for an audience and everything that comes with that, I've decided to just write for me and my family.  Because even though it is a little inconvenient now, hopefully it will be priceless someday.

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